uncombed hair. Johnny Depp pillowcase. brothers clothes. notebooks filled with words and the most random collection of “treasures” that anyone else would consider trash.. a chalkboard wall full of mantras & lyrics & happy notes by loved ones. a plank of wood with a sharpie written playlist to her life. mismatched socks and bright yellow crocks.
a girl who didn’t care that her middle part looked horrible, or that wearing jeans under a dress was NOT quite her look. a girl who saw herself as unique, inspired & seen just because she was doing life and being herself while not even remotely trying to be someone else’s version of who she should be - in fact, she took pride in walking against the crowd.
social media was not around during that time of her life. well… it was, but not in the way it is now. it was fun, random, and unique. which she gravitated toward. then it became something else. it became a consumption. an alternate reality. a highlight reel that felt like much more. she lost herself to this social orbit and much of who she was, vanished like a vapor.
this never-ending journey of finding herself felt at times hopeless & pointless. three steps forward and in a moment , that progress resulted in a significant backward motion—only leaving her further from where she wanted to be. constantly in question of when this shift of comparison or lack of self-confidence took place—with the answers right in front of her— it still took a long time for her to find them.
a generation before her shaking their finger at things out of her control. not truly understanding the limbo in which she and her peers have found themselves in. this gap between the social age and a world before technology. born in the age of cassette tapes, landlines, & paper dolls while growing up in the age of cell phones, kindles, and wifi.
this strange upside-down universe of the in-between.
I believe that girl has made her way back home with this overwhelming gravitational pull to live more simply. less noise.
I think it’s a very normal part of life to separate the then and the now. to say goodbye to a little part of who you once were, in order to become the next best version of yourself. our past never leaves us — in fact, they are the defining moments that built the character you have today.
looking back can be healthy—in fact, it can encourage your heart when you see just how far you’ve come.
that little girl I spoke about at the beginning went through a lot of heartbreak and suffered many traumas.
but you know what, she grew up to be strong and wise.
while much older now—far less attracted to vibrant colors & no longer in ownership of that Johnny Depp pillowcase—I am in love with that little dreamer & inspired by her confidence, uniqueness, and strength every single day; and i pray that Rehn finds herself dancing with the light hitting the walls to nothing more than the earths melody of leaves blowing to the wind, and a birds song from the branches. that her wonder makes what’s seemingly mundane, magical & beautiful.
12.28.20