(i laughed when i saw this photo on our baby cam, because of the sheer look of terror on my face) I remember turning from my right side to my back, cuddling tucker, and all of a sudden i felt a small rush of liquid leak and i thought i legit just peed myself! it wasn't a rush of liquid, nor was it your normal leakage that may occur during pregnancy (tmi, but not really because there's no such thing as tmi when it comes to a birth story #sorrynotsorry)
I also remember thinking, this didn't feel like i peed. there was no pee sensation whatsoever. I ended up going into the bathroom to pee, and as i looked to the toilet when about to flush, i noticed some redish discharge, and that is what brought us to this face of panic captured on our baby cam - researching everything i could about the possibility of my water breaking, sort of in disbelief that this could be real, but also paralyzed with fear that this could be it!
| 3:45am
we had left for the hospital around 3am, and by 3:45 it was confirmed that my water did indeed rupture. It wasn't full on broken, just a leak, but any puncture to the bag means you're there to stay, and labor has officially begun!
I wanted to do this whole labor thing unmedicated, and as naturally as i possibly could and to be honest, for about half of my laboring process the contractions were tolerable enough to where i genuinely thought i could do it!
| 8am hit, and things switched from tolerable to the most excruciating pain i have ever been in.
It felt like my pelvis was trying to shoot out from my body, on the verge of explosion.
I was still too prideful to accept defeat and say yes to the epidural, so i sat through that pain for almost 2 hours, every two to three minutes, a new wave of pain lasting about 45 to 60 seconds each time.
I remember during this period, thinking how freaking thankful i was for Jake. He never left my side, and was truly such a support.
Every contraction set my body into this shaking frenzy, my back arched as one arm quickly grabbed the railing of the bed, and the other gripped his poor arm/hand as hard as i possibly could, and all he ever said was "you're doing so good emily, i got you".
There's a beauty you see in your significant other during this time where they feel most helpless.
The support, love, encouragement is felt so much deeper than you've ever experienced before, and if nothing else i'm thankful for those moments for bringing us closer.
The nurse came in about a quarter to 10 in the morning, and they decided to check my dilation because of how intense my contractions were. I was 100% effaced by that time, but only 5 cm dilated, which is where i was sort of remaining stagnant since about 7am.
they proceeded to check me at the start of one of these intense contractions, and i thought my body was going to go into shock because of how painful the pressure of them checking me during the contraction.
I started sobbing for the first time because of the trauma my body just went through, and when they asked me if i wanted the epidural, i pridefully stayed silent for about 15 seconds trying to talk myself out of it, but after the silence, i asked them if i could get an epidural.
i wanna pause real quick and just speak on this for a moment. epidurals or pain relievers do NOT make your labor any less than someone else’s. it is a fact that some women experience a deeper level of pain than others during the labor process. our bodies are all different. they all were designed to carry out birthing a child. having gone through it, i can look back and honestly the epidural was only an option due to the unnatural pain of them feeling around inside during my contraction, which is encouraging if we are blessed with another child—but if you feel like your body is needing a break, don’t say “no” to the pain relief just because it has negative connotations. they can offer you pain relievers other than an epidural first if you want to hold out as long as you can!! okay… back to it.
At this point, they had broken my water, which was the weirdest sensation ever.
around 1 pm i ended up having to be induced
A quick appreciation to any woman who has ever, and will ever go through labor without any medication - i truly applaud and respect you more than words could ever describe!
